||[Jul. 27th, 2005|03:14 am]
|||||Juice TV - Ew.||]|
Shit, I'd almost forgotten I have this LJ. I've had the worst couple of months, after being good in May and losing some weight it all just went straight back on because I smoke so damn much weed. I hate it, because it makes me want to eat and I forget everything and lose all my self control. But weed, alcohol and writing are the only things that make my life worth living. They're the only things that enable me to escape from myself.
Anyway, I'm back. I need to weigh myself, take my measurements and take some photos. That way every time I think about eating, I can just look at a photo of myself and remember why I'm not.
Being out of school really fucks my days up though. I have almost nothing to do, so I sit around. If it's not raining I go for a walk and a smoke, but it's winter so most days it is raining. God, and I want to cut again so much. But I don't have any blades left anymore, I threw them all out.
_ Pack of razorblades
_ A fucking reliable speed dealer
_ Diet pills, proper ones not the herbal crap they sell round here. Hm, maybe there are some sold on the net I can get. Hopefully containing ephedrine.
_ More money
_ A new lighter, it's ridiculous how many matches I go through lighting one lousy smoke.
I'll post again Thursday with updated stats, tomorrow I'm helping my uncle move stuff around in his house so I won't get the time or privacy to do any of the things I need to.